Stuck in Paraguay, Sin Passports

Alyece says:

This is the series of events that has left Erin and I trapped in Paraguay without our passports...

1) So after Brazil, Erin and I plan to pass through Paraguay to Bolivia. En route to the Paraguayan border (whilst on the bus) I read in Lonely Planet - which we´ve had all along but usually decide not to consult for important details until the last possible minute - that Canadian citizens need visas to enter Paraguay. (We were unaware of this fact because NO ONE travels Paraguay. It´d be like taking a trip to Saskatchewan).
2) We decide to exit the bus before it reaches the border. In the middle of the road, we regroup and decide to go through Argentina to get to Bolivia instead (go around the wasteful land mass of Paraguay) so we hop a bus labelled for Argentina.
3) We cross the border to Argentina, get to the bus station, but there are no buses to where we want to go for another day and half (which to Erin and I, on our 8 month trip, is just too long to wait...)
4) I naiively let Erin make the plan for our next move - she comes back from an encounter with a flirtacious bus company man, who has convinced her with his spanish charm, that it´s no problem for us to go to Paraguay; all we need is our passports.
5) An hour later, we get on a bus that takes us back through the Brazilian border to Paraguay (we´re at this juncture where Brazil, Paraguay, and Argentina all meet)... and somehow we illegally arrive in downtown Ciudad del Este (Paraguay) as the bus driver neglects to stop at the border.
6) We wander aimlessly around the city looking for immigration and finally arrive at the office... where we decide Paraguay is not worth the $50 temporary visa fee, and so we decide to go back to our Argentinian plan.
7) At the Paraguay bus station, we decide to take the cheapest bus ("collectivo") possible for the 26 hour journey to Salta, Argentina. (No, we have not thought ahead about what we´re going to do at the border on the way out of Paraguay where we´ll be expected to have Paraguayan entry stamps and visas and how we´re going to bat our eyelashes out of this one...)
8) On the bus ride, my day-pack gets robbed by a Paraguayan sleeze-bag, who flees the bus in small town before I notice. My bag happened to be holding both of our passports, due to our earlier debaucle at the Paraguayan immigration (and an hour before this, also held Erin´s visa card, which she luckily took back, and is our only source of money now). All of my ID, a bit of cash, and several packs of gum are gone. The bus conductor calls the cops in the little town, but they don´t find the dirty thief.
9) At the realization of the robbery, we are also enlightened that we are still in fact in Paraguay. Because we won´t be allowed past the Argentinian border, we get off in Encarnacion, Paraguay, where we make some frantic phone calls. We bunk here for the night and dispair sets in...
10) We both awake in the morning only to remember where we are and why we´re where we are. We had no intention to stay in Paraguay, we only meant to pass through in transit, and now things are looking a little grim as we may not be able to get out... or perhaps get out by deportation. Oh yes, and it´s also my birthday on this particular pleasant morning.
11) With the knowledge of a Canadian consolate in the capital city, Asuncion, Erin and I book a bus the next morning. However, without the knowledge that we have gone back one time zone, we arrive an hour off and get on the wrong bus. After the six hour bus ride, we enter a city and see signs that say "Ciudad del Este", which is where we started...
12) With an itch of frusteration, Erin and I go back to the ticket booths and try to buy bus tickets for Argentina, hoping they´ll somehow not care that we don´t have passports.. haha! The bus company people shake their heads at us and tell us to go to the police.
13) After explaining our situation to the cops in broken spanish, and in my case, acting it out... oh lord... they tell us to make a real report in Asuncion. Feeling a little defeated, we decide not to continue any further that day.
14) Erin salvages what is left of my birthday and gets us a nice room at a swanky hotel in town, fully equipped with our own fridge and T.V. (Erin says, a fridge we have nothing to put in, and a T.V. we don´t understand). She takes me for dinner at an Austrian restaurant, then out for chocolate gelato, then we go back to our hotel room to watch movies and eat candy in bed. Not a bad birthday in my books!
15) The next day we catch a bus to the right city, Asuncion, the capital. It´s not exactly aesthetically pleasing, it´s not very tourist-friendly, and it´s sweltering. On our trip so far, we´ve been in a lot of very hot places, but his city takes the cake. The day we arrive the temperature hits 46 degrees.
16) Monday morning, we finally get to the Canadian consolate (well, actually, an "honourary" consolate) where we hope to find some refuge with a fellow citizen... but this is not exactly the case. Alvin, a little man who seems to be lacking certain human emotions, is less than excited to see us, and even though there are barely any other tourists in town, let alone Canadian tourists, he acts as though he has better things to do than deal with us... should we remind everyone this is his job?! Upon telling him about the robbery and our predicament, instead of asking us if we´re OK, if we have somewhere to stay, etc. he seems more concerned with quoting us the price of new passports. Alvin didn´t crack one smile the whole time we were in his office, but he did squirt eye-drops in his eyes on several occasions.
17) Alvin tells us it´s unlikely we will be able to get temporary passports and that we could be waiting up to a month or two for new ones to be sent from Canada. At the thought of being trapped for up to two months in this country, Erin and I are hoping for the option of deportation... But first things first, fill out the application forms and file a police report.
18) Luckily the cops in Asuncion are formal and professional. While the two young officers, who don´t look a day over 18, fill out a report for us, they proceed to tell us how pretty we are and give us their phone numbers to go out for drinks. Oh and they´ve already paired us off, how organized.
19) With all the paper work done, Alvin reminds us that temporary passports are only issued in special cases, and sends us merrily on our way.
20) The next day, we arrive back at the consolate eager to see our new friend, and find out we have been approved by the Embassy in Buenos Aires for the temporary passports. Thank God. We are told they will be here in 4 days.
21) Another day passes and Alvin tells me that I wrote a "2" instead of a "1" for my birthdate on my form and I need to come back to the office to entirely re-do my application because he doesn´t want it to look "messy"... OK. This means they won´t get sent in time. This pushes our passports back 3 more days...

And so now Erin and I are playing the waiting game in Asuncion. Apparently our passports will arrive from Buenos Aires on Monday morning, and then we can get the heck out of here. Sorry we don´t have any pictures to post for various reasons: spite, the lack of aesthetic scenery here, and because we don´t really want to carry valuables on us. There isn´t much to do here and it´s blistering hot, so we´ve been passing the days and hours in the air-conditioned malls watching really, really bad movies at the cinemas. Except last night, we saw the new Liam Neeson movie and he kicked ass.